Tsuki no Rick
by xensenju
Summary: Rick and Morty go to see an eclipse.


**Tsuki no Rick**

* * *

Rick and Morty flew through the galaxy in their spaceship, the odd colorful planet or collection of space gas passing them by.

"Oh boy, Mo-err-rty, when you, when you see this eclipse you're going to be-errrppp-you're going to be impressed, Morty."

"It sounds really cool, Rick."

"It is, Morty!" Rick said, gesturing with his hands as the spaceship shook. "It's the greatest thing you've ever seen and then some, Morty. I've seen some shit in my day, Morty, and this takes the cake by far. There's nothing quite like the eclipse, Morty."

"Oh, wow, Rick," Morty said, "I'm not sure if an eclipse can, you know, if an eclipse can be that special."

The spaceship shook. "It is, Morty!" Rick said frantically as he grabbed his grandson's shirt with wide eyes. "It's the greatest thing ever, Morty and you're going to see it." He dropped Morty, maneuvering the spaceship towards their destination. "I could have brought anyone in the whole world with me, Morty, but I-errpp-chose you, Morty. You're gonna have a bla-aghrgth-st, M-Morty."

"If you say so, Rick." Morty said uncertainly.

They approached a world with a moon orbiting around it.

"Put these on Morty!" Rick yelled suddenly reaching into the backseat of the spaceship for a pair of sunglasses that he slapped into Morty's hands.

"Eclipse glasses, Rick? But, I thought you put those on for-for actually w-watching the eclipse, you know? Won't-won't it make it hard to see? Wh-what if I trip and fa-are-are you trying to make me look like a fool R-Rick?"

Rick had donned his own eclipse glasses. "You don't need glasses for that, Morty. You need glasses because this world has a red moon that glows brighter than the sun all day and night. It'll mess with you-errp-r eyes, Morty. You've gotta protect your eyes, Morty."

"Oh, okay, Rick." Morty put his eclipse glasses on.

They arrived quickly to the planet. They were in the middle of a barren wasteland. There was a large tree in the distance, but not much else.

"Alright, I'm gonna, errrrrppp, gonna get us set up, Morty. You stay here. Don't do anything stupid."

Rick left. Morty leaned against the spaceship car. He quickly became uncomfortable. There were no birds chirping or animals scurrying. There was nothing but the sounds of Rick doing something a little ways away.

Glancing down, he poked at the root of the tree. It grew in size suddenly and he jumped back with a scream.

There was a crash of breaking wood in the distance.

Morty glanced at Rick, but he was too focused on his project. Morty walked down towards the sound, peering down to see a man attacking the tree.

It was an oddly shaped tree with cocoon shaped branches. The man, dressed in black, struck the tree, breaking a piece of it open to reveal a shock of blonde hair. The tree regrew faster than he could destroy it.

Was-was that a person inside that tree? He had to help them!

"Oh man, Rick! _Rick!_ " He yelled as he raced back towards the ship. "There are people in-"

Rick was sawing something, with earmuffs over his ears. Morty yelled to him as he got closer, plugging his ears against the noise.

Rick burped. "Tell it to someone who cares!" Rick shouted back over the noise. "I've got eclipse preparations to do."

"Ahhh," Morty yelled in frustration, grabbing Rick's gun and rushing down towards the person.

The man turned to him tensely, but Morty just shot his gun at the tree, blasting holes through the top to break it off. It fell down and the man quickly tried to smash it open.

The teenager inside was nearly entirely free. His purple eyes stared blankly through them. Then the tree that had attached him in the first place reached out and reattached the cocoon, knocking Morty and the other man away.

Morty tumbled and rolled painfully. "Oo, ah, that hurt!" He yelled at the tree.

The man, the old man, landed gracefully. He pulled Morty to his feet. His sclera were black.

"Thank you for your help. But I believe it's no use."

"Man, wh-what's going on here, mister?"

"My name is Hiruzen Sarutobi. The Shinobi Alliance have been captured by Madara's terrible jutsu. The Infinite Tsukuyomi has begun of which there is no defense."

"Oh no, that, that sounds terrible, mister, Mr. Sarutobi, sir. But, uh, why aren't you captured too?"

"I am no longer alive. The jutsu won't affect me."

Morty took a step back. "Oh man, you mean, you're like a-a zombie or something, mister?"

Sarutobi chuckled. "An apt analogy if not perfectly-"

Suddenly a black spear smashed through his skull. It erupted in a puff of paper. The spear shifted into a blade that ripped through the rest of his body. Morty shrieked in terror, pulling out his gun and shooting at the attacker.

The bolts of energy fizzled uselessly against her chest. Her eyes flickered with anger. She raised her spear. Morty dropped his gun, raising his hands in a vain attempt to protect himself.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Rick shouted, appearing between them. "Kaguya, baby, put the spear do-oughrp-down."

The goddess regarded him quizzically.

"This is my grandson, Morty. Morty, say hello to Kaguya, rabbit goddess, eclipse resort managerial head, mcilf."

"Um, h-hi,"

"Welcome!" Kaguya replied.

Rick took a swig from his flask. "You finally, errpp, you finally take out the last of those zombie dic-eeerrp-dictators?"

"Zombie dictators?" Morty asked.

"Yes, Morty," Rick said with exasperation, "one of those is bad enough. But both together is just asking for trouble. Oh boy!" Rick yelled suddenly, checking his watch. "The eclipse is about to start!" He started to run back to the ship.

Morty stared at the dissolving corpse of Sarutobi, then glanced at Kaguya, who was staring at him.

"Enjoy the eclipse," she said.

He ran.

He caught up with Rick back at the ship. "Ri-Rick, I'm not to sure about this. I mean, this-she's got people trapped in there Rick. Like the tree is eating them, Rick."

"Of course, the tree is eating them Morty. What did you think you could just, just get something like this, errpp, something this special for free? Everything has a cost, Morty. You've got to have something to attract her, Morty. You need to something to give her. It's worth it, Morty."

"Oh man, you gave her people to eat, Rick? Th-that's so messed up."

"No, I didn't do that Morty."

* * *

Kaguya unwrapped a shoddily wrapped, large present 'from: Rick.'

Principle Vagina and Goldenfold spilled out. Their eyes turned purple with the rinnegan.

* * *

"But it wouldn't be bad if I did, Morty. It would be worth it, Morty."

"Oh, man, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this, Rick."

"Don't worry about it. They're all murderers, Morty, did I mention that? This world was filled to the bri-err-rim with nothing but murderers who killed each other for fun."

"Oh wow."

"They were given literal love magic, Morty. They had literal understanding love magic and they weaponized it! They turned it into weapons to slit their own mothers' throats, Morty."

"That's terrible, Rick."

"Exactly, Morty, and the moon is so bright because it puts everyone who sees it without eclipse glasses in a trance to live out all of their wildest dreams. They're murderers in the nicest prison ever. So stop thinking about it and come to the resort with me.

Morty gave one look back to the tree before following Rick to the resort. There, they were waited on hand and foot by white Zetsu. Rick set up a huge magnifying lens contraption as the eclipse approached.

Once the eclipse began, Rick yelled, "Quick, take off your eclipse glasses Morty."

Morty pulled back, spilling his fancy drink. "Wh-what? No way, Rick! Won't Kaguya like put us in a trance and eat us?"

"No! That's the beauty of the eclipse, Morty. It's like all of your wildest dreams coming true. All of the booties shaking in unison, Morty. You get to be president, dictator and pornographic rockstar all at the same time. It's amazing, Morty, and there's no chance of getting captured. But we only get a few hours of this shit, so take your glasses off Morty!

Rick took his glasses off. His eyes going wide as he stared at the red moon blankly through the magnifying glass.

Morty reached up to take his own glasses off when he noticed the tree in the distance. One of the cocoons undulated wildly before spitting out a white Zetsu.

Morty recoiled instinctually. It wasn't just a prison. "You, you used to be people?!" He yelled at his servers.

The Zetsu looked at him in wonder, "We used to...poop?"

Morty hopped to his feet, rushing back towards the spaceship car. He rummaged in the back until he found a box of eclipse glasses. He rushed down to the tree again and blasted the blonde one free enough to slap the glasses on his face.

The teenager finished ripping himself free before stumbling into Morty. "It's okay, sir, I've got you."

"Who-who are you?" He asked. "Where's Boruto? Himawari? ...Where's Hinata?"

"I'm Morty, sir. I'm sorry, but you were in a dream prison creating by Kaguya. It wasn't, none of it was real."

"It was the Infinite Tsukuyomi...?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, uh," he began.

"Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki.

"That Kaguya will be back any moment, you have to get out of here or help me free more people."

Naruto erupted in yellow flames. "I know who I have to get out. He grabbed the eclipse glasses and broke Sasuke out of the cocoon; they proceeded to fight Kaguya.

The resulting explosions from the battle sent Morty flying and he crashed across the ground, his bones snapping as blood spurted. "Oh, god, oh god, I'm dying. Help."

Naruto and Sasuke defeated Kaguya. Naruto returned, healing Morty with a press of his hand.

The tree fell, the people imprisoned being released as the moon faded to black instead of bright red.

" _Morty!"_ Rick yelled, rushing over to him. " _What have you done, Morty?_ "

"I freed them, Rick. It wasn't right."

"Did you even, did you ever even think about the suffering you'd be causing? _You cancelled the eclipse, Morty!_ And they don't get to live their wildest dreams either, Morty. You released a bunch of killers who have to rationalize their shitty existence with everyone else now, Morty. They had the best of all possible worlds and they wouldn't be able to kill anyone Morty, but you couldn't let it go. You, errrrrppp, decided to torture them and destroy the most beau-errpp-beautiful thing ever just so that this could be all about you, Morty."

"Y-you know what Rick, I'm getting pretty tired of you telling me off. And, and I'm not sure I believe you, ya know, about the killing. Because that zombie grandpa seemed pretty, he seemed like a pretty decent guy and, maybe they were pretty nice people if you got to know them a little, but, you know, because you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, Rick. Everyone knows that!"

"Well, see for yourself," Rick said.

Sasuke cut off Naruto's head. There was a fountain of blood that sprayed over Sasuke's maniacally grinning face as the body fell to the ground. Sakura rushed toward Sasuke with her fist cocked back, but Sasuke gave her a sultry look, and she slid to a stop, unable to do anything useful.

Hinata rushed forward poking Sasuke unexpectedly, leaving him vulnerable, but Sakura punched Hinata in the face, liquefying her skull. Kakashi tried to attack Sasuke next, but he was intercepted by the Raikage who tried to punch a hole through his chest. Then the tsuchikage disintegrated him. The alliance devolved into a battle royale.

A group to the side were rolling back and forth on the ground, begging to return to their Tsukuyomi dreams.

Morty's teachers ran away.

Morty was horrified. "Wh-wh-what the hell?!"

"See Morty? It's not like they have a war against a big bad enemy or a magic eclipse to keep them together. They just-errpp-they-errpp-whatever."

He took out his portal gun, opening a portal. He guided a shellshocked Morty through, leaving the growing carnage behind.

They popped through a couple of dimensions as Rick searched for the right one.

Finally, they reappeared in a forest.

"Wh-what are we doing here now, Rick?"

"We need to find another, errp, another eclipse, Morty! You can't just start an eclipse and then stop, Morty. It's like all the blue balls in the universe pressed into a single mo-merrr-mom-erp-moment, Morty."

"Oh," Morty said looking down, remembering the terrible carnage. His head rose, "this doesn't, this doesn't seem like the right place then Rick. The moon looks normal."

"That's because Kaguya isn't back yet Morty. We need to bring Kaguya back. The great thing about this planet is, is that an eclipse will happen almost immediately afterwards, Morty. That's how, that's how frequent they are in this dimension." He rushed through his pocket for something that resembled a remote control. "Here, take this, Morty. It's a Biju Extractionater, Morty. I-ehuorp-I made it in my lab, Morty. It tracks and extracts biju."

He caught the remote clumsily. "Biju?"

"Demons, Morty! They're demon's with tails, Morty! And we need _alllll_ nine of them to make the juubi, Morty. We need one through nine tails, Morty. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9! We add all those tails together to get ten! We get the ten-tails, Morty and that b-err-rings Kaguya back. It brings the eclipse back, Morty!

"O-okay, Rick. I mean I see that you were right and I'm going to, I'm going to help you with this one, help you get the biju, Rick."

"Thank you, Morty. You'll see, it'll be easy Morty. We'll be back in no time."

Rick and Morty began tracking the biju. Once they found one, they pointed the extractionater at them, hit the button, and the biju was absorbed, leaving the jinchuriki's mangled corpse behind. They went to a desert, a volcano, a grassy plain, and an island collecting Biju.

They walked into Konoha.

The remote pinged. "Oh we're getting close, Morty. I think, uuerrp, I think we should split up, Morty. You know, like we did for all the other biju. Split up and find the biju. It will go much quicker that way."

"Okay, Rick."

They split up. Morty weaved through the bustling villagers. It seemed like they were celebrating something.

The device increased frantically in beeps as a boy rushed past Morty, followed by an angry mob of drunken villagers. They chased the blonde kid, a younger version of Naruto into an alley and started beating the ever loving shit out of him. They used broken beer bottles and huge rocks. They cracked them over his head and kicked his ribs until they snapped.

"This is an accurate representation of your childhood!" They yelled.

A disgusting looking man took out his wart covered dick as the crowd cheered him on and held Naruto down.

"Stop it! _Stop it!"_ Morty yelled, trying to push his way through.

"Kill the demon! Rape the demon! Kill the demon!" The crowd yelled and cheered. Naruto struggled to escape.

Morty yelled in frustration, taking out his gun and shooting all the villagers until he could get Naruto free. They ran away together.

"Naruto! Where's you house?"

" _Gomen_? How do you know my name, _onii-senpai_?"

"I just do! Where do you live?"

They ran back to Naruto's apartment. The blonde stumbled onto his couch and collapsed, barely breathing. He was badly hurt.

The extractionater beeped.

Morty took it out and twisted the tracking dial until it said 'Rick'.

He ran out of the apartment towards Rick. He wasn't looking for Naruto. He was in a bathhouse with Anko and Kurenai on either arm.

Morty's eyes widened massively at the sight of, um...

Anko winked at him swaying her chest back and forth.

"Down girl," Rick said. Then to Morty, "Did you-uorp-you get the biju, Morty?"

"No!" He yelled.

Kurenai was biting at Rick's neck. "Well, then go, go look for him, Morty. You've got the tracker, go find him, Morty."

"You-you were supposed to be looking too, you know, Rick. You were supposed to help so we'd find him quicker."

"I'm tired of doing all the work around here, Morty. You need, you need, you'll find him just fine. Go find him!"

"I already did!"

Anko licked Rick's ear. "G-good, extractionate him then so, so we can leave."

"No, I can't, Rick. He's hurt. You've gotta, you've gotta heal him somehow with something Rick. You've got to help him."

"Oh my god," he said sitting up, pushing Anko and Kurenai away, "you see a stray kitten and you just have to nurse it back to health, don't you Morty? Before you eat it. Because that's, errppprr, that's what we do here, Morty. We eat kittens, Morty."

"You can eat me, " Anko whispered sultrily.

"Pass," Rick said, grabbing Morty, who stared at the naked kunouichi as they left. "Trust me, Morty, 2 stars, tops."

They returned to Naruto's apartment. Rick, quickly whipped up something to heal him. "This will increase his natural healing power to the max." He injected Naruto with it and his bones snapped back into place and wounds healed.

"Great, he's all better. Can we kill him now?" He said, pointing his extractionater at him

"No! Rick! We can't kill him. Can't we, you know keep him alive somehow?"

"Ugh, fine. We'll give him all the biju, so he can be the juubi."

"Oh boy, Rick, so we won't have to deal with Kaguya either then, right?

"That sounds about right, Morty. This is a good plan. Here you go, kid." He toggled the extractionater, pointing it at Naruto and blasting all of the biju into him that they had collected.

"He's got all sorts of special abilities now Morty, but we need to keep an eye on him anyway to make sure he's safe or else we'll have to start all over again." Sand, lava, and steam swirled around him. Coral grew on his knuckles.

"I can make sure he's okay while you get the rest of the biju for him, Rick."

Rick left to collect the rest of the biju.

Morty flew their spaceship car, hovering over Team 7's training ground as they met.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura screeched at Kakashi.

"Maa, I got lost in the road of life. Get these bells from me."

"I will," Sasuke said. "Don't get in my way, _dobe._ "

Sasuke tried to get the bells from Kakashi, but failed, ending up pulled underground up to his neck.

"Sasuke-kun! _Shannaro_! How dare you do that to my precious Sasuke-kun?"

Sakura ran at Kakashi, but Sasuke gave her a sultry look and she devolved into giggles and dirty fantasies, unable to do anything useful.

"Disappointing," Kakashi said. "One left."

Naruto and Kakashi engaged in a massive fight that destroyed the training ground, forcing Kakashi to use his sharingan and then evolve his mangekyo before they came to a stop.

"You're certainly the strongest, but you know what they say about nails that stick up. And you still haven't the gotten the bells."

Naruto held up the bells. "I got them before we started. I just wanted to show off how powerful I am now."

"I see. Well then, why are you holding back?"

"I have so many abilities that I can't lose to you anymore, but if I win outright it might seem like I'm overpowered. And it makes me seem super cool too, right?"

Kakashi conceded the point, asking Naruto who to give the bells to. Naruto gave them to his two teammates. "Here, _teme!_ Sakura-chan!

"Yes!" Sakura screeched because she nearly always did, "I get to be on a team all by myself with, Sasuke-kun. Have fun at the academy demon brat!"

"You all pass!"

"Naruto, fight me!"

"Okay."

Sasuke attacked Naruto, but couldn't get past his sand defense. Then Naruto tried to punch him with a coral covered fist to drain his chakra, but a lava pool opened up underneath Sasuke as well. The Uchiha dropped in with a terrible scream and a wet plop.

Sakura screeched.

"It was an accident!" Naruto yelled.

"I know. _Anata wa m_ _edachitagariya de igaisei nanbā wan no dotabata ninja desu,_ after all,"Kakashi said, "but you'll get banished for this if anyone finds out, we need to replace him. How about your friend up there?"

"H-huh, you mean me?" Morty asked, flying down.

"Yep, grab some futuristic technology and help out."

"Okay." Morty put on a power suit.

Kakashi tapped him on the head, "You look like Sasuke now."

Sakura screeched. "Sasuke-kun," she yelled to Morty, glomping onto him. "I knew you were alive."

Morty decided he liked being Sasuke.

Team 7 ran through a myriad of D-Rank missions, painting houses quickly and brutally murdering Tora.

Meanwhile, Morty enjoyed being Sasuke with Sakura, Ino, a girl from the academy, Tayuya, and Anko. His harem had room to grow yet.

Naruto didn't mind because he was suddenly in love Hinata.

They traveled to Wave.

Kakashi was cut in half by the demon brothers. They ran towards Tazuna and Naruto killed them both with lava. Kakashi reappeared.

Sakura screeched at Naruto. "Stop trying to look as cool as Sasuke-kun!"

Zabuza's sword bounced off Morty's power suit, but it disrupted the genjutsu.

Sakura screeched at a stunned Morty. Zabuza cut her in half.

Naruto talked to Zabuza, convincing him to join their side. He revealed his assistant Haku. Kakashi grabbed Haku and added her to the team to replace Sakura. He didn't bother with the genjutsu. No one cared.

They arrived at Tazuna's house. Haku and Naruto began fucking wildly. The whole house shook. It meant their love was true.

Naruto came down the stairs. Morty winked at him. "N-nice one, Naruto. I'm proud of you, n-nabbing a girl like that."

"Oh no, she's a boy," he said.

Morty's eyes widened. "Oh wow, that's fine. I mean I'm not gonna judge as long as, as long as you, and, as long as she or he is, or, as long as you're both happy. That's fine."

"It is," Kakashi chimed in.

They killed Gato, but somehow Zabuza died. Naruto comforted Haku and told her about Hinata. They agreed to form a threesome while standing in front of Zabuza's corpse.

Morty and Naruto returned to Naruto's apartment. They enjoyed their respective harems, Tenten, Temari, and Hana joining in with Morty.

Rick appeared through a portal. "Done. All, errrrp, all good here Morty?"

 _"Ohayo gozaimas, Rick-oji-san-sensei, watashi wa-"_

"Goddammit. Did you, did you go full weaboo on me, Morty? You've gotta, you've gotta, errrpp, erpmm, whatever. Take that camouflage off, Morty," Rick said.

" _Ano,_ but I-I don't want to Rick! I like being Sasuke, Rick."

"You're not Sasuke?" one of his harem asked.

"No," Morty confessed. The harem didn't care because then there wouldn't be a harem. It meant their love was true.

Rick transferred the rest of the biju to Naruto and he turned white and scaly. Morty dropped the Sasuke genjutsu.

ANBU surrounded them. "Naruto Uzumaki, it has suddenly come to our attention that you killed our beloved Sasuke Uchiha, come with us."

"Oh great, a trial," Rick said. He took a swig of from his flask. "Waste these fools, wo-would you, Morty?"

"No, it's, it's up to Naruto," Morty said.

Naruto followed the ANBU. Rick and Morty followed Naruto. They appeared before Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage and the civilian council.

The council members were frothing at the mouth. "Kill the demon! Rape the demon! Kill the demon!" They yelled and cheered.

Hiruzen tried and failed to hush them for several minutes. When they finally stopped, he asked Naruto to explain himself.

"It was an accident, Jiji. A training accident because I had all these extra biju inside of me."

"Yes, that does make sense. It seems you have become the jinchuriki of the juubi in its entirety, Naruto-kun."

"You mean he has more demons in him? Kill him!" The head of the council, who was probably Sakura's father, yelled. The council roared in agreement.

"Ugh, this is why I hate government, talk about bureaucracy." Rick drank from his flask, drooling as the military dictator was bullied into destroying a vital, military asset by civilians.

"Naruto-kun," he said finally. "I'm sorry, you will be executed."

"How?" Naruto asked.

"What?" Sarutobi asked sadly.

Naruto got up as a guillotine was rolled into the room. The blade broke against his invulnerable neck. "Morty, could, you-"

"No problem, Naruto-kun!" Morty said, emptying his considerable arsenal against the invulnerable jinchuriki.

"I see," Sarutobi said.

The council was apoplectic. "The demon, the demon," they cried. Then one said, "Banishment!" It became yet another loud chorus that the Hokage simply couldn't defend against.

Rick sucked the drool back into his mouth. "You mean, errrpp, you mean he's a demon so powerful that he can't be killed, and you-ourp, your plan is to banish him instead of, I don't know, anything else to keep him from ripping the flesh from your bones and burning this place to the ground? Brilliant, brilliant plan, folks. This is the the reason dictators have power. That's, that's why one smart person ends up ruling the sheep. It's a good, it's a good thing this is a dictatorship."

"Don't say that!" The daimyo said riding in on his palachin. "The Kage system is very unique and special syst-" Rick shot him in the chest. He died.

There was a moment of silence as people looked at him. Then some ninja dragged him away and he was promptly forgotten.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I cannot go against the council. You are hereby banished."

"W-err-ow, you suck at dictator-dick-dictatoring."

Naruto's eyes had darkened.

"Uhp, yeah, you definitely shouldn't have done that. You're all screwed now." Rick slapped a power suit on.

A tree erupted through the center of the tower. Five bijudama appeared on the petals as a barrier surrounded the village.

" _Dattebayo_ ," Naruto said, and Konoha was destroyed.

"NO," Morty yelled suddenly, " _my_ _waifu!_ "

They landed in the wasteland that was Konoha.

"Don't worry, Morty," Naruto said, "I saved them." He took out a three-pronged kunai and all of their female companions appeared.

"Whoa, N-naruto, I didn't, I didn't know you mastered the _Hiraishin_. When did you-"

"Yeah, that's great Morty, but I think you're losing focus," Rick interrupted. "Kid, eclipse, now."

"No problem. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

A third eye opened on Naruto's head, reflecting the against the moon as it turned bright and red.

" _Yes!_ " Rick shouted lugging his huge magnifying glass back out. It was only a few minutes before the eclipse began.

Morty had an orgy with his harem, each clad in their eclipse glasses. Except for Anko, who was staring gormlessly towards the sky; it turned out Rick was right.

"Man, Morty," Rick said, his eyes wide, "you should really, really get in on this, Morty. This is _amazing,_ Morty."

"No, I think," Morty said from his harem, "I think I'm good, Rick. I'm already, I'm really satisfied here, Rick. This is heaven already so I don't think, don't think I need anything more if I'm satisfied, Rick."

"Suit yourself, Morty."

They enjoyed their respective hours of orgasmic bliss until the eclipse ended.

"Time, errpp, to head, time to go home, Morty," Rick said.

Morty was basking in the afterglow between raucous sessions. "I don't, I mean, I don't want to leave, you know, Rick, I think I really like it here."

"Trust me, we should end it here, Morty," Rick said.

"No! This is amazing, Rick!"

Rick sighed. "You won't like what happens next."

"Wh-what?"

A hand burst through Naruto's chest. He died.

Rick covered his face, "Hi, Kaguya. Don't eat us, just take these wonderful offerings." He gestured to Morty's harem.

"A fair trade," she said. The tree expanded to engulf their female companions as Rick dragged a wailing Morty away.

"Trust me, M-eor-rty, this is way better than the alternative," he said over Morty's objections. "You wanna serve drinks for a millennia, Morty? I-I like pooping, Morty!"

They flew away into the night.

 **The end.**

* * *

Rick and Morty flew through the galaxy in their spaceship, the odd colorful planet or collection of space gas passing them by.

"I still, still can't believe Naruto went out like that, Rick. After, especially after, with all that power he had throughout and how invulnerable he was and everything. He couldn't be killed and then boom he dies like that. It's just so stupid, Rick."

"I know, Morty. That's why I keep my porn current. Remember that, Morty. Don't get caught up in a fictional past, Morty. Fictional present, Morty, it's, errrrpp, way be-ehr-better."

 _"Sugoi! Hai, Rick-sensei-kun! Arigato gozai-"_

Rick zapped him unconscious. He took a swig from his flask, spilling it over himself as he flew them home.


End file.
